Recently, I attended a party where one guest, I'll call her
Susan, exhibited some ADHD behavior. It was raining as Susan was leaving the
party, and this inspired the hostess to share with her a story about how her
basement flooded the year before. She included details of the dirty, expensive process
of getting rid of the water, tearing out the wet, moldy drywall, and putting in
new walls. When the hostess finished, Susan responded inappropriately with
"That's totally awesome! That's so great! You guys are the best!"
When Susan left, another guest said to the hostess, "I don't think she
heard a word of your story," and the hostess rolled her eyes and nodded in
agreement.
I think Susan meant to listen to the hostess, but had
unwittingly zoned out. I think she wanted to care and show enthusiasm about the
story, so she provided what she believed was a response reflecting that. But
actually, her response conveyed just the opposite; it conveyed that she found
the hostess and her story so boring and unimportant that hadn't even bothered
to listen.
The sad part is, Susan probably did this regularly, to
everyone, imperiling her relationships, without any awareness that it was a
problem.
I am a mental health counselor who chooses to employ
coaching to help my clients who are struggling with ADHD. I believe that both
therapy and coaching are great treatment options for most disorders, but for
ADHD, I prefer coaching.
One reason for my preference is that recovery is not the
goal for people like Susan, strategizing is, and coaching is all about
strategizing. Therapy works well for helping clients recover from depression,
substance use problems, crippling anxiety, etc., but for those with ADHD, developing
strategies for minimizing ADHD's disadvantages and maximizing its advantages is
the best approach. As a coach, I wouldn't try and help Susan recover from her
inattentiveness, I would help her recognize that her problems with focus extend
beyond the work arena, and help her employ techniques for addressing them.
Another reason why I prefer coaching for clients with ADHD
is that unlike anxiety, depression and other disorders, ADHD doesn't make
people feel unlike themselves. They don't suddenly notice a change in their
emotion, thought, behavior, or physicality. So, unlike other types of sufferers,
people with ADHD are usually unaware of the myriad ways that their symptoms are
impacting their lives, because it has always been that way. Susan had no idea
that she was insulting people by not listening – she didn't even realize she
wasn't listening. An ADHD coach would help her develop awareness of how her
inattentiveness was affecting her relationships, and look for the impact of
disorganization, impulsiveness, poor money management, and tardiness as well.
Susan has so many strengths; she is lively, fun,
enthusiastic, creative, and she can hyper-focus in ways that allow her to
master some very difficult things, such as playing the banjo and creating
graphic art. With a little coaching, she, and others with ADHD, could leverage
their strengths, develop techniques for overcoming their weaknesses, and
ultimately, play the game of life much more successfully.
To learn more about ADHD Coaching,
contact us
.