Like many people with ADHD, Adam, a pseudonym for my real neighbor, is very intelligent, and when
his mind alights on a topic that interests him, he will exhaustively explore
it. His ability to hyper focus on things that fascinate him is common for people
with ADHD, and potentially a great asset, but only if it isn't sabotaged by
ADHD's less positive attributes. In at least in one instance, that sabotaging
happened to Adam in his attempt to share his knowledge and enjoyment of wine.
A few other neighbors and I planned with Adam a French
gourmet dinner, for which he was to choose the perfect wine. He researched
thoroughly, made the ideal choice, and found one small wine store in the area that
carried it. The store was located about 45 minutes away, so picking it up
required a significant time investment from Adam.
When Adam arrived at the wine store, about four people
were ahead of him in line. The clerk was taking quite a bit of time with the
customer he was currently helping. Adam started to feel horribly restless,
like a caffeinated, caged racehorse. He checked his phone, but he didn't have
any messages. He looked around, but didn't see anything interesting. After
about five minutes, the clerk was still helping the first customer, and Adam couldn't stand it anymore. He left without the wine.
Mindfulness coaching for ADHD would have enabled Adam to
respond differently to the situation. First, it would have provided him
techniques for waiting his turn in line without becoming hopelessly bored and
restless. Although people with ADHD often have difficulty setting short and
long-term goals for the future, they are always careening towards it. Usually,
the present is something to be endured until they can race ahead to something
more compelling or exciting. Mindfulness coaching trains those with ADHD to be
present in the present, to become aware of the anxiety that makes the present
feel intolerable, and find a place in their own bodies and minds to focus on
rather than depending on external stimuli.
Second, mindfulness coaching would have helped Adam with
the impulsiveness that caused him to leave the store. Instead of reacting to an
urge born of anger, boredom, anxiety, or some other emotion of which Adam was
unaware he was experiencing, mindfulness would have taught him to first observe
his emotional experience non-judgmentally, and then to decide how he wished to
respond to it. Thus, Adam wouldn't have been managed by his impulses, but
rather his impulses would have been managed by him.
The dinner proceeded without the perfect wine, and the
evening was still enjoyable. Adam was
already talking about the great wine he would bring next time. I couldn't help
hoping that he would get a little mindfulness coaching before then.